Most of us are guilty of it. We pull out our phones in mid-conversation with someone else, or make sure it’s at a reachable distance even as we get ready for bed at night. We’ve come to live off of our phones and personal devices because of the great information and instant connections that they bring us, but are we letting ourselves lose face-to-face time with others as a result? At an event earlier this month hosted by Common Sense on raising kids in a digitally connected world, renowned author Sherry Turkle told a crowd of educators, parents, and professionals in Washington, D.C., that there is a certain balance one must strike in our digital culture when it comes to how we use technology.
As we move into exciting and innovative times in the new media age, we must do so cautiously so as not to lose what she calls human empathy, that important trait that allows us to not only connect face to face, but to be fully present with someone in a way that you sense that person’s tone, struggles and emotions. As our society has adapted to the lightning speed at which news travels on our personal devices, that kind of skill can be forgotten at times. We stay glued to our phones because we expect immediate responses to our texts, tweets, or emails. But in doing so, we might be overlooking the people right in front of us–especially kids who see their parents and adults as role models–as we keep one hand on our phone at all times.
Turkle, a professor of social studies of science and technology at MIT, has dedicated over 30 years of study to the psychology of human relationships with our digital culture. The good thing about Turkle’s message is that she proclaims loud and clear that she’s not anti-technology–she’s just pro-conversation. In her latest book, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age, she warns against the “flight from conversation” that even the mere sight of a phone on a table might cause in a room full of people. “The very sight of a phone on the landscape leaves us feeling less connected to each other, less invested in each other,” she writes. This she attributes to the distractions that our minds now associate with our personal technology devices. Bored at a work meeting? Look for an interesting article to skim on your phone. Feeling lonely at a social gathering? Text a friend. Nervous about telling a colleague you didn’t like one of their ideas? Send them a quick email, it’s the easy way out after all. And this is what Turkle says we need to change–where we as humans are losing our ability to talk through conflict and to have the intimate conversations that result in the social action that ultimately make businesses and relationships thrive.
But there are habits that people can adopt to stay in the present with those around them. Turkle’s advice to parents who see their kids texting into the wee hours of the night? Take the phone out of the bedroom and watch as kids start to get better sleep at night. Another good rule is to put the phone away during dinner time. Don’t even have it on the table, as she previously warned about the distractions that even a silent phone can cause.
Turkle also shared that she doesn’t have a problem with television. In her opinion, television is often a source for social gatherings and conversation. Her issue isn’t necessarily with screen time, but more so with what people do in front of the screen or with the screen that could take away from the in-person connections one could be experiencing right then.
We have a lot to look forward to as the media and entertainment realm moves forward with virtual reality, gigabit speeds, apps that let us connect anytime and anywhere, and technology innovations that just keep elevating the quality of our lives. But Turkle’s message is definitely a good reminder that technology is there to help us connect in smarter ways. It’s our responsibility not to isolate ourselves from the human relationships that make us succeed as a society.
As she writes in Reclaiming Conversation, “Every new technology offers an opportunity to ask if it serves our human purposes. From there begins the work of making technology better serve these purposes.”